Tag: Humor

I’m Sorry But I’m Not A Milestone Mom

I am not a “feel all the feels” mom, or what I called a “Milestone Mom”.

I know a lot of people that just like to cry over things, especially when it comes to their kids getting older or reaching milestones.

Some people cry when their kids can hold their own bottle, feed themselves, dress themselves, tie their shoes. They wish they could turn back the clock and go back to when their kids were little.

Me? I’m like Hell yea!! One less thing I have to do.

I couldn’t wait for Stella to be able to sit in the Bumbo seat

Maybe it’s because we had three kids in three years that I was glad when these milestones happened and some time was freed up for us.

Teddy dressed himself for the snow…WooHoo

I must say I was kind of upset when my kids learned to walk. That mean they were going to be getting their hands on EVERYTHING. Let’s face it, unless you have all of your stuff six feet off the floor and have nothing to climb on, your house will never be baby proof.

Free yard work!

My kids getting older means I’m getting older and I am definitely not okay with that. I think that’s what gets me the most.

Stella is going to be nine next month and Maizie will be in middle school next year.

That’s what hurts, me having kids that old means I’m that old.

Before you know it they will be getting ready for college. They have all told me they are NEVER leaving.

I can’t say I’m completely thrilled with that idea.

Will it hit me someday that my tiny babies are getting older? Perhaps, but for now I will see the joy in my tiny freedoms with their independence.

 

Stop Showing the Commercials!

There are so many things that get on my nerves, but today I’m focused on one…

Showing the commercials to that “Big Football Game” before the game.

One year I happened to see ALL OF THEM before the game. I can’t begin to express my feelings with G-rated words.

I like football (my husband was a football coach) and I have a pretty good grasp on the game, but the thing I like best about this particular Sunday is watching the commercials (I could take or leave the half-time show).

If I were a company that payed a ton of money for one of the coveted slots, I’d be mad if it was fast forwarded over since it was already seen.

I need to pause, turn off of fast forward morning talk shows because they keep on showing them and talking about them. ENOUGH, stop stealing my joy!

I know there are plenty of people that watch them before, then do it online. At least give the viewers at home a heads up that you’re showing one of them.

It’s just a little thing, but it’s a little thing that irks me.

End rant!

My Plans for 2017

Every year I come up with “plans” for myself. I don’t say goals or resolutions because resolutions are rarely kept and if goals aren’t met, there can be a feeling of failure attached. I like to use plans, because plans can change and adapt.

Kraus House Mom

This is what I came up with for 2017…

  • Get back to my high school weight, somewhere around 115 pounds.
  • Exercise for at least 90 minutes every day.
  • Have my kids in activities everyday, they need to be enriched.
  • Make all of my meals/food from scratch.
  • Not leave the house without my hair done and full make up done.
  • Buy a whole new wardrobe for each season.
  • Keep the house spotless…like a museum.
  • Reach at least 500,000 followers, subscribers, views on all of my social media platforms.
  • Join every committee I come across.
  • Get my doctorate.

I’m just kidding!

That list would end up a complete failure first thing in the morning when I bring my kids to school. Here’s my real plan.

  • Lose the weight I put back on and get back to where I need to be. This is a health priority. The more weight I carry, the worse my heart disease can get.
  • Exercise again. Once again, this is a health issue. I need to do more cardio (walking) and definitely need more muscle mass.
  • I do need to get my kids into some activities. We recently moved and they need something new. We’re planning on swim for all three, gymnastics and art for Stella, Teddy wants to do lacrosse again and we need to find something for Maizie.
  • Plan my weekly meals in advance. I did this before we moved and it was great, I just need to get back into doing it again. It makes grocery shopping much easier and I won’t be racking my brain trying to figure out what to cook for dinner.
  • I need to get my hair cut and highlighted, the grays are multiplying rapidly. I also need to get a foundation that can cover up the spots on my face that haven’t been burnt off yet.
  • Get myself some new duds. Last summer I did buy a bunch of new shorts, but I currently have 3 pairs of jeans that I wear. I seriously don’t remember the last time I bought a pair of jeans. Some new shoes would be nice, but I HATE shoe shopping.
  • I need to get and keep the house organized. We recently moved and there are still things that don’t have a permanent home. I need to find them one and make sure they find their way back home (huge issue in our house).
  • I really, really want to grow my blogs and You Tube channels. I don’t have any numbers in mind, but if 500,000 happens WOO HOO!
  • Work on my writing projects. I have three projects that I am working on right now. One just needs to be edited, one needs to be sorted through and revamped and the other needs to get off of the tiny pieces of paper and onto a real page.
  • I want to learn something new. I have no idea what.

So there it is, my plan for 2017.

Do you have any plans?

 

 

I Was Tricked Into a Yoga Class

Anyone who knows me, knows why yoga is not a possibility for me.

Maizie and Stella like yoga, me...not so much
Maizie and Stella like yoga, me…not so much

I went to the gym this morning, after studying the schedule very carefully (I’m known for reading it wrong). At 10:30am a Pilates Mat class was scheduled, Pilates being one of my favorites coupled with the fact I haven’t been to the gym in 5 days catapulted me out of the house in a hurry.

I made it by the skin of my teeth, no time to stop at the locker room…nothing.

I walk in, the lights are already out (why they turn the lights out is a mystery to me, you can’t see what the instructor is doing) but I walked in right behind another lady and it was technically 10:29am, I wasn’t late.

I get an extra mat, lay my mat on top, remove my footwear and get into position. The lady who walked in right as I did asked the instructor “Is this Pilates or yoga? Because I know you teach yoga.” The instructor replied that it was going to be, “Pilates with some yoga poses.”

LIAR!!!!!

The class starts out a little slower than a Pilates class, so I’m thinking (hoping) it will pick up soon.

Every move we do she wants us to hold for 3 deep breaths. I don’t know what kind of free diving breathing techniques they use in yoga, but I don’t use them in my everyday life, so her 3 deep breaths were equivalent to about 6 or 7 of mine.

I didn’t have a problem getting into and holding the poses, which surprised me, but having the attention span of a 2 year old my mind kept wandering and I would lean and/or fall over.

When I go to the gym I like to break a sweat, I don’t go there to relax. If I wanted to relax, I’d go to the beach or go get my nails done.

For the entire hour, I did not sweat once, I did not feel the “burn” and I felt like I wasted my time, I was tricked.

Needless to say, today’s class felt like an epic fail to me. And top it off; I left class with a banging headache.

If you enjoy yoga, God bless you, it’s is definitely not for me.

I’m Going to Be a Pinterest Mom

Three years ago I said I was going to be a Pinterest Mom, well it didn’t happen…big shock. I know I was shocked too. Maybe now that my kids are a bit older and don’t need as much attention I can actually achieve this goal? Only time will tell.

 

This is the year I’m going to shine brighter than all the other moms out there. I am going to be the mom that all the other mom’s talk about, strive to be, dare to out-do. I’m going to be THAT mom, the Pinterest mom.

I will finally have three kids in school and it is my time to be brilliant. There will be nasty, snarky posts about me, sideways glances in the school yard, but I don’t care. Creativity will be mine!!

I’m going to make the snazziest lunches, a little bit of this, a little bit of that, healthy and delicious. My kids will eat the rainbow at lunch alone. There will also be heartfelt notes in each lunchbox, everyday. I may even make my husband write some too.

Kraus House Mom

Kraus House Mom
Look at the balance in these meals!

There are going to be epic dinners and after school snacks, maybe a couple of fancy desserts a week. I’ll have plenty of time to go to the grocery store and prepare my feasts.

Kraus House Mom
Who wouldn’t want this presented to them?

My girls are going to go to school with fancy hairdos everyday and carefully put together outfits. Polyvore’s not going to have anything on me. Moms will be trolling my Instagram feed for outfit inspiration. I’m even going to sew some fantastic ensembles.

Kraus House Mom

Kraus House Mom
Look how pulled together they are

Organization:  a place for everything and everything in its place. My house is going to be spotless. A chore chart will be posted and adhered to; everyone will know what his or her job is.

Kraus House Mom
A weeks worth of cardboard in one cereal box, Grampa would be so proud!

After school starts, Halloween is just around the corner along with the “Holiday Season”. The snazz will be happening at the Kraus House this year, I’m giving advance warning. We’re talking decorations up the wazoo. If I pinned it, it will be!

Kraus House Mom
This makes any house look so inviting

Kraus House Mom

Kraus House Mom

Kraus House Mom
I make stunning costumes!

Birthday parties will be like society galas with themes, themes, themes. Keep your fingers crossed for an invitation, the social events of the season. Swag bags for all that attend.

Kraus House Mom
It’s Party Time!!!

Who am I kidding? This is never going to happen. Lunches? Maizie INSISTS on getting school lunch salad everyday and she has the same snack the entire year. I may have to get somewhat creative with Stella (she’s a bit of a diva) and Teddy eats anything (especially if I put it in a thermos), leftovers it is.

I have been trying for years to plan meals in advance, it hasn’t happened. I’m a look in the fridge/freezer and figure out what can be cooked the fastest kind of girl. And when it comes to baking, well that’s Ted’s job and we won’t discuss it any further.

I’m lucky Maizie even gets her hair brushed before we leave the house in the morning and she’s not big on fancy hairdos. Stella on the other hand has started doing her own hair (at 5 years old). I suppose I should really help her out in that department, but she does a pretty good job. As for clothes, Maizie doesn’t like to get too adventurous in the wardrobe department Stella’s whole motto is “Flair or Nothing”. (You should check Instagram for Stella’s creations.) I do want to sew more; I’ll have to find my sewing machine first.

Organization and cleaning, face it Ted, it’s NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. I try but the shiny things take over and I lose focus. I really do plan on trying to stay organized since my scatterbrain “condition” seems to get worse with age.

Holiday decorations? My kids have to nag me until I can’t stand it in order to drag them out and then I let them do it. Well, I do take control of the mantel. Last year Stella asked for two straight weeks for me to put the Halloween wreath on the door and I don’t even think I own and Thanksgiving decorations.

Birthday parties? I’ll have them at a place so I don’t have to do any of that. I’ll pay someone else to decorate and create a theme. I will admit I have a tendency to go overboard with the favors.

There will probably still be sideways glances and comments, but they’ll be more like, “Wow, she is a slacker.”

Maybe this school year I can find a happy medium?

Disclaimer: None of these photos are from Pinterest, I took them all.

Target Red Card…My Worst Decision

I must say, getting a Target Red card had to have been one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made.

I’m in Target every week to begin with, really who isn’t? Why shouldn’t I have one?

I try to go in for just the “things on my list” but if there’s someone out in the interwebs that is capable of that, I’d like to meet you.

If I bring my kids, especially Stella, there’s no chance of me getting out of there without any extras.

Now, I’ve been using Cartwheel for quite a while (after deleting and reinstalling because of forgotten passwords), I’m a sucker for a sale or a deal. Now with my Red Card I get an extra 5% off every time I use it.

Target Cartwheel

Do you know what that means? I can buy 5% more stuff.

How is that saving me money?

When I clean out my purse it’s stuffed with Target receipts.

Whenever I need anything I head to Target because I can use my Red Card and save money.

Who am I kidding? I’m not really saving anything. I now buy a bunch of my groceries at Target, why not? Stop & Shop isn’t offering me any deals at checkout.

Target Red Card

I even get 5¢ off for bringing my own bag (more savings).

Brilliant move Target, now I spend more time and money in your store and I’m positive there are millions more like me.

The man or woman that came up with the 5% off idea better have gotten the biggest bonus imaginable, because it is well deserved.

I’m glad I opted for the debit and not the credit, at least that way I have slow my roll and not go nuts in the underwear department.

Seriously, I’m glad I have it, not thrilled with my shopping habits.

I’ve Got What? I’m Not Old Enough!

I had a check up at the doctor a few weeks ago, no big woop.

I mentioned I keep having these insane headaches that start at the back of my head and then make my head feel like it’s going to explode. It even hurts to blink.

Waiting for him to tell me I was most likely stroking out and brains would end up all over my walls, so stock up on cleaners and scrubby sponges; he threw me a curve ball.

Kraus House Mom

He sent me for an x-ray to see if it’s…arthritis. Really? Arthritis? Am I THAT old?

Guess what? Apparently I AM that old. I have arthritis is my neck. Lucky me.

Now my doctor is big into trying physical therapy for aches and pains.

He sent me for my back a few years ago and it helped a lot. (I don’t even think I was 40 back then.)

Then he wanted me to go for bursitis in my shoulder, I didn’t. That was too close to “living in the home” old for me (my grandparents had that). Not to mention that my husband was going for a shoulder injury and his therapist was torturing him, no thank you. So I toughed it out.

I made the appointment for PT, mainly because I can’t stand the headaches.

There’s nothing like going into a medical office thinking you’re doing pretty well, then realizing, “Man, I’m just a hot mess.”

Withing three minutes of being in the room, I came to understand what a hot mess my neck really is. I could barely move it, thank goodness the therapist pointed all this out. Talk about destroying self esteem. I though I was young and vibrant, that bubble burst.

So after an exam and a painful, yet relaxing neck rub I was sent home with exercises, a bruised ego and 4 more weeks of appointments.

It sucks to be over 40.

 

 

Adult Coloring Relaxing?

The almighty “THEY” say adult coloring books are “supposed” to be relaxing.

I loved coloring, I colored into my teens.

Now I don’t think I would call it relaxing though.

For Christmas I received some coloring books. They have bigger pictures, the smaller, more intricicate designs would have driven me to madness. I figured I could use them to relax…

Boy was I wrong!

Kraus House Mom
These are the ones I got for Christmas

I have found that coloring actually causes me some stress.

I guess when it comes to me coloring I’m a perfectionist, I’m not in ANY other aspect of my life.

Some of the thoughts that go through my head are…

  • My pencil is too dull I need to sharpen it
  • What happened to the sharpener?
  • Did I go out of the line a little bit?
  • Did I use this color already?
  • Is there too much of color X?
  • I don’t have enough variety of colors.
  • The lines aren’t blending together

Then I need to deal with my kids stealing my colored pencils and they ask if they can color a little bit of may page? Are you out of your mind?

Kraus House Mom
There’s so much wrong with this it drives me nuts

How could I find this relaxing?

I know I need to loosen up, it’s just a coloring book. But this is the one and only thing I’m this neurotic about.

What do you get neurotic about?

Missing: All the Things I Need Daily

A few years ago I wrote about The Nine Most Lost Items in my House. Well, just like my kids, that list has grown. So I’ve decided to revise it.

I have tried to keep myself and kids organized, but I’m failing miserably. For some reason, nothing ends up where it belongs.

The original 9 are still major problems…

  • Brushes/Combs
  • Tools
  • Tape Measure
  • Shoes
  • Pens/Pencils
  • Socks
  • Nail Clippers/Nail File
  • Hair Elastics
  • Broom/Dust Pan

Now let me add to the ever growing list.

Teddy’s Glasses/His Case  He loses one of these at least twice a week. He frequently leaves his case at school (then I have to hope he can find it). His glasses have been left in the strangest places all over the house. The only way he has found them is because one of the girls or I noticed them and remembered where we saw them.

Surprise, Surprise they were in the case
Surprise, Surprise they were in the case

Lunch Bag  One of the Kraus Kids has lost two, yes two, lunch bags this school year. Don’t ask how, I have no clue. I guess this kid doesn’t want to eat anymore.

 

My Phone  One would think with what I do I would know where my phone is, since I need it all the time. Nope. The worst part is when my husband is at work and I can’t have him call it, we got rid of the landline. I spend quite a bit of time hunting it down (usually in the couch cushion).

 

Homework/School Papers  I can’t tell you how many times I say, “Put it in your back pack.” Come morning, we’re all searching for someone’s homework, field trip paper, or folder.

This folder is in a chair between two other bags. Will it be found in the morning?
This folder is in a chair between two other bags. Will it be found in the morning?

Scissors  I have five pairs of scissors, but I can never find a pair when I need it. There should be two in the kitchen, two in my desk and one in my bedroom. There’s usually a scissor crisis when I’m elbow deep in a project.

I could only find ONE pair
I could only find ONE pair

Scotch Tape  I buy this stuff by the crateful. I know exactly who is responsible for this one, Stella. She uses it for her “projects” and “inventions”. If I need any, I check her bedroom desk first.

 

Sports Equipment/Uniforms  I try to get there game uniforms ready the night before because it’s absolute chaos on game mornings. When everything WAS right there and suddenly it’s not, my head is in danger of exploding. On practice nights there is ALWAYS one piece of equipment missing, it never ends.

 

Of all the things that go missing, I think the pencils missing during homework time drives me crazy the most often.

 

What do you lose in your house?

 

I Wear Pajamas to School Drop Off

I admit it, I occasionally wear my pajamas when I drop my kids off at school. I usually change into yoga pants before I enter the great big world and on special days I actually get really dressed and put on make up before drop off (but that’s as elusive as a leprechaun).

I must admit, my attire completely depends on the demeanor of my sweet, darling children. If they are cooperative, than I can change. But that, once again, can be like that leprechaun. It can also depend on how I feel.

Today I had an incredible headache and every time I moved I could feel my heartbeat pound in my head like it was going to explode. Today my kids were lucky they even got to school. I would have brought them in my underwear if I wasn’t already wearing pants, it hurt to bend over.

Wearing pajamas to school drop off
This is what I wore today, pudding stain and all (I did have a coat zipped).

There was recently an article floating around that was going to ban parents from wear pajamas at drop off, who cares? Getting three kids out of the house can be a challenge, no matter how organized you are.

The days I do wear my pajamas, I don’t get out of the car. Since there’s usually an issue with one or more of my kids (a fight) they’re lucky I actually come to a complete stop (just kidding!).

I am the treasurer of the school’s PTO so I have to frequently enter the building in the morning to drop things off and to check the mail. On these days, I make sure I am wearing yoga pants or jeans, but if I am wearing a coat I can’t guarantee a bra. I have also forgotten to put on real shoes, but my slippers do look like moccasins.

Pajamas to school
I made two stops before I realized I had my slippers on that day.

I must say, I do feel you should have changed out of your pajamas by the time you need to pick up your kids in the afternoon (I know Maizie would be mortified if I did that).

Have you ever worn pajamas to drop off your kids?