Anyone who knows me, knows why yoga is not a possibility for me.

I went to the gym this morning, after studying the schedule very carefully (I’m known for reading it wrong). At 10:30am a Pilates Mat class was scheduled, Pilates being one of my favorites coupled with the fact I haven’t been to the gym in 5 days catapulted me out of the house in a hurry.

I made it by the skin of my teeth, no time to stop at the locker room…nothing.

I walk in, the lights are already out (why they turn the lights out is a mystery to me, you can’t see what the instructor is doing) but I walked in right behind another lady and it was technically 10:29am, I wasn’t late.

I get an extra mat, lay my mat on top, remove my footwear and get into position. The lady who walked in right as I did asked the instructor “Is this Pilates or yoga? Because I know you teach yoga.” The instructor replied that it was going to be, “Pilates with some yoga poses.”

LIAR!!!!!

The class starts out a little slower than a Pilates class, so I’m thinking (hoping) it will pick up soon.

Every move we do she wants us to hold for 3 deep breaths. I don’t know what kind of free diving breathing techniques they use in yoga, but I don’t use them in my everyday life, so her 3 deep breaths were equivalent to about 6 or 7 of mine.

I didn’t have a problem getting into and holding the poses, which surprised me, but having the attention span of a 2 year old my mind kept wandering and I would lean and/or fall over.

When I go to the gym I like to break a sweat, I don’t go there to relax. If I wanted to relax, I’d go to the beach or go get my nails done.

For the entire hour, I did not sweat once, I did not feel the “burn” and I felt like I wasted my time, I was tricked.

Needless to say, today’s class felt like an epic fail to me. And top it off; I left class with a banging headache.

If you enjoy yoga, God bless you, it’s is definitely not for me.

Three years ago I said I was going to be a Pinterest Mom, well it didn’t happen…big shock. I know I was shocked too. Maybe now that my kids are a bit older and don’t need as much attention I can actually achieve this goal? Only time will tell.

This is the year I’m going to shine brighter than all the other moms out there. I am going to be the mom that all the other mom’s talk about, strive to be, dare to out-do. I’m going to be THAT mom, the Pinterest mom.

I will finally have three kids in school and it is my time to be brilliant. There will be nasty, snarky posts about me, sideways glances in the school yard, but I don’t care. Creativity will be mine!!

I’m going to make the snazziest lunches, a little bit of this, a little bit of that, healthy and delicious. My kids will eat the rainbow at lunch alone. There will also be heartfelt notes in each lunchbox, everyday. I may even make my husband write some too.

There are going to be epic dinners and after school snacks, maybe a couple of fancy desserts a week. I’ll have plenty of time to go to the grocery store and prepare my feasts.

My girls are going to go to school with fancy hairdos everyday and carefully put together outfits. Polyvore’s not going to have anything on me. Moms will be trolling my Instagram feed for outfit inspiration. I’m even going to sew some fantastic ensembles.

Organization:  a place for everything and everything in its place. My house is going to be spotless. A chore chart will be posted and adhered to; everyone will know what his or her job is.

After school starts, Halloween is just around the corner along with the “Holiday Season”. The snazz will be happening at the Kraus House this year, I’m giving advance warning. We’re talking decorations up the wazoo. If I pinned it, it will be!

Birthday parties will be like society galas with themes, themes, themes. Keep your fingers crossed for an invitation, the social events of the season. Swag bags for all that attend.

Who am I kidding? This is never going to happen. Lunches? Maizie INSISTS on getting school lunch salad everyday and she has the same snack the entire year. I may have to get somewhat creative with Stella (she’s a bit of a diva) and Teddy eats anything (especially if I put it in a thermos), leftovers it is.

I have been trying for years to plan meals in advance, it hasn’t happened. I’m a look in the fridge/freezer and figure out what can be cooked the fastest kind of girl. And when it comes to baking, well that’s Ted’s job and we won’t discuss it any further.

I’m lucky Maizie even gets her hair brushed before we leave the house in the morning and she’s not big on fancy hairdos. Stella on the other hand has started doing her own hair (at 5 years old). I suppose I should really help her out in that department, but she does a pretty good job. As for clothes, Maizie doesn’t like to get too adventurous in the wardrobe department Stella’s whole motto is “Flair or Nothing”. (You should check Instagram for Stella’s creations.) I do want to sew more; I’ll have to find my sewing machine first.

Organization and cleaning, face it Ted, it’s NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. I try but the shiny things take over and I lose focus. I really do plan on trying to stay organized since my scatterbrain “condition” seems to get worse with age.

Holiday decorations? My kids have to nag me until I can’t stand it in order to drag them out and then I let them do it. Well, I do take control of the mantel. Last year Stella asked for two straight weeks for me to put the Halloween wreath on the door and I don’t even think I own and Thanksgiving decorations.

Birthday parties? I’ll have them at a place so I don’t have to do any of that. I’ll pay someone else to decorate and create a theme. I will admit I have a tendency to go overboard with the favors.

There will probably still be sideways glances and comments, but they’ll be more like, “Wow, she is a slacker.”

Maybe this school year I can find a happy medium?

Disclaimer: None of these photos are from Pinterest, I took them all.

I must say, getting a Target Red card had to have been one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made.

I’m in Target every week to begin with, really who isn’t? Why shouldn’t I have one?

I try to go in for just the “things on my list” but if there’s someone out in the interwebs that is capable of that, I’d like to meet you.

If I bring my kids, especially Stella, there’s no chance of me getting out of there without any extras.

Now, I’ve been using Cartwheel for quite a while (after deleting and reinstalling because of forgotten passwords), I’m a sucker for a sale or a deal. Now with my Red Card I get an extra 5% off every time I use it.

Do you know what that means? I can buy 5% more stuff.

How is that saving me money?

When I clean out my purse it’s stuffed with Target receipts.

Whenever I need anything I head to Target because I can use my Red Card and save money.

Who am I kidding? I’m not really saving anything. I now buy a bunch of my groceries at Target, why not? Stop & Shop isn’t offering me any deals at checkout.

I even get 5¢ off for bringing my own bag (more savings).

Brilliant move Target, now I spend more time and money in your store and I’m positive there are millions more like me.

The man or woman that came up with the 5% off idea better have gotten the biggest bonus imaginable, because it is well deserved.

I’m glad I opted for the debit and not the credit, at least that way I have slow my roll and not go nuts in the underwear department.

Seriously, I’m glad I have it, not thrilled with my shopping habits.