Did you know that I’m the worst mom ever? I know some of you thought that you were, but one of my kids told me the other day, so it must be true.
I was thinking about it. How? How can I be the worst mom ever?
I should show them Mommie Dearest, maybe that would change their minds. So I came up with a list of ten things (I could have made it much longer, but ten is a nice reasonable number).
- I make them wear clothes that fit. Can you believe that I don’t let them leave the house looking like floozies or like they live under a bridge? Don’t even get me started on when I take something out of the drawer that doesn’t fit. It’s a size 6x t shirt that you’ve been squeezing into for the past six years, time to let it go.
- I make them brush their teeth and hair. I will admit, I don’t think they brush their teeth when they say they do and when they get cavities; they are going to be sorry, but given that they are 11, 10 and 9 it really is something they should be able to handle. I’m just waiting for the day someone tells one of them they have dragon breath, maybe then they will take the initiative. The hair…the moaning and complaining when I have to get the knots out of it should be enough.
- I make them bathe regularly. I didn’t ask you to go outside and use the hose, no you get to take a 45 minute shower (I’m not joking here) that I turn on and off for you. It’s funny how much better they all feel once they’re all squeaky clean.
- I make them take their medicine. They all have something to take and they know if they don’t they’re not going to feel their best and in some cases, make the rest of us suffer. You don’t want a headache, take your medicine; you don’t want to keep sneezing, take your medicine; it’s that simple.
- I make them get to school on time. Why would you want to explain to the principal that you can’t get your act together? Do you want to tell her you don’t want to get dressed or put on your shoes?
- I make them go to bed at a reasonable hour. I know my kids and I know how much sleep they need and how they will act if they don’t get it. No one should be subjected to my sleep deprived kids.
- I make them take care of their own things. They’re not my things, I’m not in charge of them. I don’t know where your blue fidget spinner is. If you really wanted it, you’d have kept track of it. They never lose their tablets or laptops.
- I make them go to their practice. I don’t care if you don’t feel like it, you made a commitment to your team, you’re going to practice and you’re going to participate to your fullest.
- I make them do their homework. They need to learn the responsibility of turning in work when it is due and turning it in completed. I find it more of a time management exercise.
- I make them clean up the mess they promised to clean up. When they tell me they’re going to clean up a mess they are making, I will badger them until they clean it up. Keep your word.
So here we have (just) ten reasons why I’m guessing I’m the worst mom ever.
Anyone else out there a terrible mom like me?