Teddy is five and he has his own set of rules and standards that he thinks we (me mostly) should live by. He doesn’t like some of the things I do. Things I have been doing for longer than he’s been alive and things I will continue to do for a long time to come. He doesn’t realize that he’s the one that is going to have to adjust or deal with it.

He doesn’t like the way I brush my teeth. I am at a loss as to why he gets his knickers in a knot over this, but whenever I am brushing my teeth he has to make comments about how I’m doing it. I’ve been doing it for quite a few more years than you, I’ve got it covered. You know what you can do for me, not come in here to go to the bathroom (or shall I saw pee all over the bathroom) while I’m trying to brush my teeth.

He questions my driving. If I take a different route than his father does to get to the same place, you’d think I was driving him to the third circle of Hell, there’s more than one way to get somewhere. Soon enough he will realize his father opts for the “long way” and unless I’m taking them for a “nap ride” I don’t need to just drive around. He also questions why I open the window, why I turn up the air conditioner, and my favorite car question is why can’t he drive. BECAUSE YOU’RE FIVE!!! We have actually gone to pick Maizie up from school with him in tears over the fact I wouldn’t let him drive, “Why not, it’s a short trip!!!”

My favorite offense has to my sleeping attire. One day he told he didn’t feel what I wore to bed was appropriate and I should make sure to get some pajamas. Let me clarify, I DO NOT sleep naked, listening to Teddy’s rant you’d think that was the case. I sleep in a tank top or T shirt and my underwear (which are boyshort style). I don’t walk around the house dressed like that; I have shorts next to the bed that I put on when I get up in the morning. He wears just underwear to bed (and most of the day) and he’s got the nerve to tell me what’s appropriate. I told him if he didn’t like what I wore to bed then he should stop coming into my bed in the middle of the night.

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