I Have Become a Zombie Mom

I can’t remember the last time I was able to sleep through the night. I don’t have to get up to go to the bathroom, I don’t have a stuffy nose keeping me up; I have three kids that roam the halls and find joy in disturbing my slumber.
Stella makes a nightly visit, dragging her pillow because “she had a bad dream”. At first I felt terrible for her and would let her in right away. The problem is, she is THE WORST kid to sleep with. She hogs my pillow, she kicks and she is just downright unpleasant to have in the bed when you’re trying to sleep. I think she caught on, now when she comes down I think BULLSHIT, you just want to interrupt my precious and very elusive slumber.
Teddy has a habit of coming downstairs in the middle of the night to watch TV. So I locked the cable from 1:30AM until 5:30AM. Because of that, he will just stand there staring at me until I get out of bed and punch in the code, it’s creepy and I’m WAY TOO tired to argue at 3AM. (I should just unlock it, but I just keep forgetting to do it.)
Monday night I heard Teddy come in and I thought he was going to tell me he couldn’t sleep and wanted to watch TV. Then I heard it, at the foot of my bed (every mom knows that sound) I sat up and he’s throwing up on my floor like a frat guy at the end of a bender. I grab my garbage can (thank goodness Past Heather was kind to Future Heather and actually put a bag in it) and he continues hurling in there.
I’m trying to wake up Ted who is sound asleep. I shook him and said Teddy was throwing up and he said, “OK.” No, it’s not! As Teddy’s holding the garbage can I am right over Ted’s body and I am making sure he is focusing and I say, “Teddy- is- throwing- up- all- over -our -room.” He pulled himself together and gave Teddy a shower.
Yesterday I tried to take a nap because of the traumatic events of the night before. I didn’t have to worry about bringing Teddy to school or picking up Maizie because Ted was going to do that. I go and lie down on my bed, get all cozy and every time I start to drift off that douche of a dog came and woke me up. She’s lucky she’s still living with us.

I was very disappointed with her behavior

On to last night. Stella made her nightly trip with her pillow and said she needed to sleep downstairs. I told her there was no way she was sleeping in my bed. She said she wanted to sleep on the couch; at this point I didn’t care. Then she had the nerve to start arguing with me over what she was going to watch on TV. Listen little girl, you’re not getting a choice, you’re lucky I’m even putting it on.
This morning she tells me that the germs are back (she was throwing up on Sunday; Maizie exiled herself ). I told her to move to the little couch, because I wanted to sit and have my coffee. Then she asks if applesauce is good when you have “the germs”. It is, it part of that BRAT diet, so I gave her some. She yakked it up all over herself. That is what lead me to this post.
I don’t see much sleep in my future.

8 thoughts on “I Have Become a Zombie Mom

  1. This is my life with my almost 5 year old. She has all kinds of needs. . . in the middle of the night! HELP! I've become accustomed to waking up at 2:30 am that I do it NO MATTER WHAT. My eyes fly open, and I just WAIT for her footsteps down the hall. If she wasn't so friggin cute with her apple dumpling cheeks and smelling all like lilac and honey, I'd probably completely lose my friggin mind. I tell myself, some day she won't smell this good or be so damned cute so I better enjoy. After all, they will be teenagers at some point, when middle of the night wake ups will mean a whole other headache. . .and not as cute!

  2. oh my word. We have battled the nighttime wakings recently too. Last night was the first night I did not have a child in my bed in over a week I think. I'm not even sure anymore. And OMG on the puking – I sure as hell hope they are both done with that nonsense ASAP. (((Hugs))) and passing you a cup (or pot) of coffee….

  3. I can't tell you the last time I slept through the night either! My 17 week old gets up twice to eat and my almost 3 year old needs every book and stuffed animal with her to go to bed. Her requests are nonstop! Although I'll admit your recent situation trumps mine, I hope you can nap soon. Us moms need a big time break!

  4. oh my gosh – zombie mom – i can so relate sometimes. so sorry the kids are sick. i swear there is NOTHING worse than puke. hope they feel better soon and that you finally end up with some rest.

  5. What?!?! No No No! Can I take back reading of this post? I thought sleepless nights were saved for the moms of newborns?!

    Heather – I'm sorry you're dealing with this!!!LMK if you need a coffee delivery!

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