Category: Uncategorized

Not Fair!!!

Things that I find not fair…

 (In the Kraus House)

Stella (or another Kraus kid, but let’s face it, it’s usually Stella) wakes up in the middle of the night because she has a bad dream. She tries to sleep on the couch because I desperately do not want her in my bed, but she “can’t fall asleep”. So after the third time waking me up I let her into my bed where I am kicked the entire night. She ends up sleeping soundly (like I was) and I end up beaten to pulp with a banging headache.
I charge my tablet so I don’t have to be planted in front of the computer all day, but when I go to use it there is not more “juice” left on it because someone was playing some pet salon game or watching Peppa Pig in Espanol all morning.
We don’t have a dishwasher so we wash the dishes by hand. Whatever, it’s been like that for 11 years, we’ve gotten used to it. When Ted does the dishes he sends the kids on search and destroy missions and they return with every dirty dish in the house. It doesn’t work out that way when I do them. When I finish, I always find at least one fork or cup that didn’t get cleaned.
Ted decides he’s going to cut out his nightly bowl (vat) of cereal and within a week he’s down 5 pounds. While I eat healthy food in normal portions and by 8:35PM I’m ready to chew off my own foot, how much do I lose in a week? Point four pounds, that’s .4.
Ted decides he’s going to lift ONE weight while he’s watching TV at night. Within a week and a half his upper body looks like he “picks things up and puts them down” while I have done triceps dips for the equivalent of 48 hours and I could still knock myself out if I wave too fast.

A Few of My Favorite Things

Here are a few of my favorite food items. Some may not be the healthiest around, but once I start I can’t stop.

Polar Diet Dry Orange soda, I can drink this by the case load. It is my second favorite soda (Diet Dr Pepper always comes in first) and it had been on sale quite a bit lately, I’m a sucker for a bargain.

Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Covered Edamame, I was going to get espresso beans but I had the forethought to know the rate I would eat them and knew I would need to sleep. I convinced myself that edamame would give me a smidge more nutrition as well.

Trader Jose’s Fresh Salsa is gone in one sitting. Most of the time I don’t eat it with chips, I use celery (excellent to scoop) or cucumber slices. By the time I finish, you can smell the garlic coming through my skin and Stella continually tells me to brush my teeth. I don’t care! It’s fantabulous.

Town House Pita Chips, I tried these tasty treats and devoured the box by myself. I have an issue with chips and certain kinds of crackers. I try not to bring them into the house for the very reason that I will eat the entire bag/box in one sitting. This box got eaten with the Trader Joe Salsa (double delicious whammy). If you want some chips around here, get them as soon as it’s opened or you will not get any.

Trader Joe’s Mini Pearl Grape Tomatoes, I eat these like candy (my kids do too). I will buy them to roast or put into salads but by the next day there will only be about four left. What are you going to do with four grape tomatoes? Shove them in your mouth of course. (If a kid is coming they will all go in at once.)

Mystery Ride

Monday we took the kids on a mystery ride. The night before we didn’t tell them where we were going, just that we were going somewhere and it would take a little while to get there and they had never been there before. Oh the anticipation, Stella fell asleep, Maizie eventually fell asleep, but Teddy is another story. He gets himself so excited and amped up, he can’t sleep. He had even taken Benadryl for his allergies before he went to bed, but nope he was up wandering the house.
They all got up, ate a hearty breakfast and got dressed and were ready to go, so many questions. Maizie packed her “secret bag” full of stuff she might need. Whatever, you want to bring it, throw it in the trunk. I also packed a bag of snacks and drinks because I knew once we got to stop number two they would want/need it. Once they saw that, they could barely contain themselves.

Pancake muffins with a side of fruit bon appetite

We pile in the car and we’re off to destination number one, The Fantastic Umbrella Factory. (I have always wanted to go there but just never got there. When I saw that the weather was going to be absolutely beautiful, I told Ted my idea. All systems go!)

On our way

As we were walking through the gardens Ted told the girls that there might be fairies living there. I thought they might pass out. The hunt was on, come out come out wherever you are!

Disappointed she can’t find a fairy

Smelling and hunting

I thought this was cool

They checked out all the flowers and fauna (and found a furry chicken). They saw a “fairy house” and heard a ruckus, but didn’t actually see a fairy. Better luck next time ladies.

The furry chicken

OMG!!! There were fairies there!!

More fairies!!!

We went into all the shops. Maizie got a mood ring and Teddy and Stella got bracelets. Ted also got a new ring. I saw several bracelets that I liked, but they wouldn’t last the grips of the girls, so I passed.
We filled up our cones to feed the goats and headed over to the animals, those emus can move fast. Most of the goats I have encountered come running when they see people with food, not these guys. The goats were lying on the ground and I had to throw food at them to get up, only one bothered. The emu was the one who ate the cone (these obviously were NOT tin can eating goats).

Feeding the goat once he decided to get up.

The emu (with giant toes)

We finished up and went to our second destination, the kids’ playground at Ninigret Park. My kids love playgrounds. We pull in and Stella yells, “Yes, they have a zip line!” We were the only ones there, it was fantastic.

A Zip Line

Time for snacks and a beverage (I knew it would come in handy). They played some more. Before we went to our third stop, the kids had to use the bathroom. They only have port-a-potties. I must say, they were impeccably clean. Stella even said it smelled like Skittles. (I may never eat them again.)

Snack time

Last stop was Wickford to see Auntie Rey and a spot of lunch; we knew Stella was going downhill when she didn’t want to eat anything. (She was a ticking time bomb.) We ate and stopped at Auntie Rey’s to grab some freeze pops before we walked down to the water to check out the lobsters and skip rocks.

Waiting for it to buzz

This is when we knew she was going down the tubes

Daddy and Maizie

Strolling to see the lobsters

The view where they skipped rocks
On the way back I stopped in Lulubelle’s and that’s when Stella announced it…the headache! Time to go; the downhill slide happens fast with that one. At least she waited until the end of the day to get sick.
Our first mystery ride was a smashing success! I hope the next one is as successful.

The Animals are Falling!!!

 When I’m really tired and should be getting ready for bed, I start reading stories on the “interwebs”. There was one that really caught my attention last night. It was about animal tornadoes.
Having recently watched (and enjoyed) the cinematic Syfy Channel gem Sharknado, this article caught my fancy. I know it could happen, a twister could pick up a cow and “drop it off” somewhere else. But is that cow going to start chew off a farmer’s arm? I don’t think so.
The articleseems to mention that these “animal tornadoes” occur with a water spout. Living in the Ocean State could this be a possibility? Who knows?
There was mention of a Frognado (happened in Serbia), all I have to say about that is EEEWWW!! I must say, when I lived out in the woods and it rained there were frogs jumping all over the street. If it was fall, half the time you didn’t know if you were driving over a leaf or a frog and the street lights were few and far between. My husband and I used to call it the Amphibious Assault. If they fell from the sky, I may need therapy.
Apparently alligators have also fallen from the sky (I think it happened in 1887). That has a Sharknado feel to it (they may have even made a movie already). That would be another couple of thousand in therapy.
But around here I think if something like that were to happen it would probably be fish (and once again the article said it has happened in Australia). I’m not sure how I would feel about fish, but I don’t think they would be swimming to the house on top of the hill in order to attack just that one house. I don’t think they would attack anyone, I think it would be the other way around. Imagine people just walking out to their front porch to go fishing.
Besides, fish don’t last all that long out of water and they don’t have legs. I think we could handle that.
This is what I think, I’m no meteorologist, and I forget my umbrella half the time.

Letter to the Neighbor’s Dog

Dear Dog across the Street.
You are an asshole! There’s no nice way to say it, facts are facts. You feel the need to bark at EVERYTHING!!!
The lovely lady next door to you lets you play in her big fenced in yard with her dog. You know what, for years I didn’t realize she even had a dog until I was walking by and you almost barked yourself into a stroke and I saw her dog. You know what her dog was doing? Just standing there wagging its (sorry, I don’t know the gender of the dog) tail and looking at you acting like a fool. Her dog is nice and quiet.
You bark and lunge at my car when I drive by. I know it’s not just my car because I’ve seen you do it to other cars as well. You have frequently escaped your confines of your yard and if you happen to pass by my house on your journey, you feel the need to stop at the end of my walk and bark at my house. I know why you do it, I’m onto you.
Normally I would ignore you, but I have an 80 pound obstacle to that. Her name is Alabama. Every time you feel it’s necessary to cause a commotion over the wind blowing, you get the entire neighborhood canine population worked up.
I don’t know what the dogs in the other houses do, but in my house Alabama starts snorting and barking from window to window. When she gets all worked up, she barks her dog breath all over the place and it’s pretty nasty. Then it’s time to get on the couch. She’s been doing pretty well with staying off the white couch, but you open your trap and all bets are off. Once she’s all worked up, her hair starts falling out like Witch Hazel from Looney Toons, I don’t see you coming over to vacuum it up.
How about you do the neighborhood a favor a take it down a notch? Get some Valium or something before you bust a blood vessel.
Your Annoyed Neighbor in the White House

Oh What a Year

Do you know what today is? It’s our Blogiversary! I can’t believe it’s been a year since I started The Kraus House Mom.
I’ve written 174 posts, for someone who HATED to write when in school, this is huge and have over 12,000 hits. I’m always surprised when I look at the stats.
I have to thank my husband for encouraging me, my kids for providing so much material and my readers, thank you!
What is on the horizon?
With all three going to school (half day for Stella at least) perhaps I’ll have more time to write. I have some ideas up my sleeve, you’ll just have to keep reading and see.
Here are some of my favorite posts from the past year. I hope you enjoyed them.
You Know What They Say About Idle Hands 
Splinter Removal

When a Mom Falls in the Living Room, Everyone Hears It

Stella’s Fury

Big Day

Yesterday was a big day for the Kraus House Mom; I got to meet Scary Mommy herself, Jill Smokler. I’m not talking about going to a book signing or a conference; a few Rhody Bloggers went and had coffee with her and were able to have an actual conversation, about anything and everything we wanted.
We were sat and chatted for over an hour and a half and it was wonderful. She gave us tips, advice and insight and we couldn’t have been more grateful. What a lovely person. I am so glad I had the opportunity to meet her.

OMG!!! It’s me and Scary Mommy!!!

Then as we were getting ready to leave I checked my phone to see if I had gotten any calls or messages from home. I didn’t, but my Instagram icon was there; no big deal. I looked at it, I couldn’t believe it, it was from Project Runway…THE Project Runway.
My youngest has a thing for the show and last week was acting like a class A beast. I was able to calm her down by turning on an episode that happened to be on TV. I took a picture and posted it; for shits and giggles I tagged Project Runway.

Keep Calm and Watch Project Runway

Holy shit, they saw it! I can’t believe it. Not only did they see it, but they acknowledged it. Most would think whatever. But for little ole me, it’s HUGE!
So let me just say, “My Wednesday ROCKED!!!!”

Yum Yum Fun? Not So Much

The Snoopy Sno Cone Machine brings back such memories. Who as a kid didn’t have one; yum yum fun is what it’s all about. 

She is so excited!

Well kiss my ass Snoopy Sno Cone Machine!
What you don’t know from your childhood (or your parents didn’t let on) is that it is a giant pain in the ass.
It took me forever to get the ice shaver and the handle to lock together. For the record, I am quite adept at putting things together (I seriously considered a career in engineering). I had to call my husband in to do it before the SPCA was called for animal cruelty.
Then there’s no flavor packet in the box. It is very likely that one of the Kraus kids (I’m not mentioning which one) took it. When I received the Sno Cone Machine (yes, it is mine), the package was sealed. (I know because I wanted to check it out one night and I couldn’t get it open and was too lazy to go get a pair of scissors.) There are three sno cone hungry kids jonesing in front of me, so I improvised by melting a freeze pop.
It is successfully put together, ice inserted, we are ready for some frozen treats…not so fast. I distinctly remember the commercial and all the kids were having a grand old time making their sno cones without any adults, not possible! LIES, all LIES!!!
I don’t remember it being that difficult; it was 30 or so years ago but still. In order to keep from an inmate uprising, I need to crank out the sno cones. A frosty treat shouldn’t cause so much sweat (or sore muscles).

This is only during the first one…oh the pain!

Half way through the second one, I said, “I hope you like them because I don’t think you’re ever going to get another.” For the love of all that’s holy, am I ever going to finish?

What seems like endless cranking only yields a miniscule amounts of snow

Finally all three were made and I threw that vile dog house into the sink and stomped out of the kitchen. If they ask to use it again, I might bark at them.

Stella put using the Snoopy Sno Cone Machine on her “Summer To-Do” list, well it’s done!
My sister and I jointly had the Snoopy Sno Cone Machine, but before she was able to enjoy them I had an Ice Bird. For a long time my husband wasn’t sure what I was talking about. Well, I found it! Who out there had an Ice Bird?

I’ve Got a Message for You

 There have been a few messages left lately. Here’s a few of them (with translation).

Teddy sent me this email after he was sent back to bed. We had already gotten up twice. For the record, the girls need to gain weight, he doesn’t. I was pretty impressed with his spelling skills considering he’s going into first grade in the fall.

You do you give the girls snacks when they get up and why not me it is not even and is not even I get mad.

Stella got mad at Maizie (again) and wrote her this note. She then wrote her an apology note.

You made me feel bad so you should just shut up.

Stella found a pack of index cards and has been drawing on them. That’s all well and good, but she is taping them onto the living room wall (and she’s not using a small piece of tape).

The Stella gallery along with an installation on the wall by Maizie.

For more stories go to The Mommyhood Chronicles