Category: over 40

I’ve Got What? I’m Not Old Enough!

I had a check up at the doctor a few weeks ago, no big woop.

I mentioned I keep having these insane headaches that start at the back of my head and then make my head feel like it’s going to explode. It even hurts to blink.

Waiting for him to tell me I was most likely stroking out and brains would end up all over my walls, so stock up on cleaners and scrubby sponges; he threw me a curve ball.

Kraus House Mom

He sent me for an x-ray to see if it’s…arthritis. Really? Arthritis? Am I THAT old?

Guess what? Apparently I AM that old. I have arthritis is my neck. Lucky me.

Now my doctor is big into trying physical therapy for aches and pains.

He sent me for my back a few years ago and it helped a lot. (I don’t even think I was 40 back then.)

Then he wanted me to go for bursitis in my shoulder, I didn’t. That was too close to “living in the home” old for me (my grandparents had that). Not to mention that my husband was going for a shoulder injury and his therapist was torturing him, no thank you. So I toughed it out.

I made the appointment for PT, mainly because I can’t stand the headaches.

There’s nothing like going into a medical office thinking you’re doing pretty well, then realizing, “Man, I’m just a hot mess.”

Withing three minutes of being in the room, I came to understand what a hot mess my neck really is. I could barely move it, thank goodness the therapist pointed all this out. Talk about destroying self esteem. I though I was young and vibrant, that bubble burst.

So after an exam and a painful, yet relaxing neck rub I was sent home with exercises, a bruised ego and 4 more weeks of appointments.

It sucks to be over 40.



The Trouble with 40



I turned 40 and I know there’s nothing I can do about it. Not to sound bitchy but, I have noticed that I do look better than some people I know that are younger than me. But there are just some things that happen to you once you hit 40 that really suck. I must say I noticed them starting around 35 but by my 40thbirthday, I really hit the skids.
Eyesight-Going, going, gone! I can’t see shit. I can’t read books anymore. I NEED to use my Nook and set the font on elderly, so there are only about 15 lines on the page. If a restaurant is dark, I have no idea what the menu says; and if I have my contacts in, forget it all bets are off. I even bought a pair of reading glasses from the Dollar Store. That’s it, time to train Alabama.

Not bad looking for the Dollar Store
Whiskers-WTF is this all about? At least I am still able to look in a mirror and seek those suckers out. I am constantly rubbing and feeling my chin. Then if I feel one, man I hope it’s not while I’m in public. Then all I can think is, “Can everyone see this monstrosity growing out of my chin?” “Do I look like Rip Van Winkle?” God forbid I look into a lighted magnified mirror. Holy shit, who the hell is that and what happened to her chin?

I need to get another pair and keep them in my purse for emergency removals
Memory-What was I supposed to write? I didn’t have a good short term memory to begin with, now FORGET IT!! If it’s not written down, it’s not happening. It took me 2 years to make a doctor’s appointment because I simply kept forgetting to do it. I would remember when I was in bed (not going to do me any good then).  I leave the store with only half the stuff I went for, sometimes I even forget when I go with a list. There’s a lot of “Oh shit, …” said around here.
Gas-I’ve never had the best gastro-intestinal system, but now one handful of popcorn at the movies and by the closing credits I can shoot myself out of there like you let the air out of a balloon. I’m just a diverticulitis time bomb waiting to go off. Seriously, just about everyone in my family has is and I’m just waiting for my turn.
Pulled Muscles (for no reason)-I can be sitting at the table NOT MOVING and pull a muscle. It happened during supper; I pulled the entire right side of my back. I wasn’t reaching, lifting or bending, just sitting. Every day I need to stretch my back to where I can tie my own shoes. Sometimes when I want to cross my legs I need to grab onto my pants to pull my leg over.
Oh 40, what have you done to me?

I’m Turning into My Grandparents



People usually start to turn into their parents, not me, I skipped a generation. I’m turning into my grandparents, my mom’s dad and my dad’s mom to be specific. It’s bordering on creepy and I may need an intervention.
New Rules-Nana came up with “new rules” daily. It could have been something big or it could have been something small, but everyday there was a new rule. Sometimes there was even a list of “New Rules” posted on the fridge. The thing is, they never last long that could be the reason why new ones keep coming up.
I find myself announcing “new rules” quite frequently. We could be in the car, at home, in a store it doesn’t matter. You never know when a new rule is going to happen and at that inception of that rule…follow it! Teddy even asks, “Is that a new rule?”
House Coats-I have two and I wear them. I’m not talking about bathrobes, I’m talking about step into, zip up the front house coats (one is velour, I know your jealous and the other is leopard fleece, you can stop coveting them now). Thet do have more flair than you’d see in a nursing home, but saying they’re fashion forward would definitely be pushing it.

I know you’re jealous




Nine times out of ten I put them on after I take a shower, before I get dressed so I don’t muss up my clothes before I head out to my destination. That one out of ten I will wear the leopard one all day if it’s chilly and I’m going to wear my pajamas all day.  You can ask my mailman, he’s seen the rockin’ ensemble
Organizing My Garbage-Well, I only organize the recycling. If you knew Grampa then you would understand completely. There were five people in the house when I was a kid and we only seemed to have one garbage can/bag on trash day. I have five people now and on trash day it looks like I cleaned out my basement every week. Poor Teddy has to take 4 or 5 trips to the curb to get it all out there.

I got it all into a cereal box!
I find myself compacting all the cardboard recycling into one small container. It could be a cereal box, a gift bag or some other random boxed food we had that week, but I feel it necessary to try to get ALL OF THE CARDBOARD into it, most of the time I am successful. If others would stop messing with my system, Teddy would cut down on his trash trips.

I wrapped my rubbish in gift bags
Sayings-I told the kids to “go wash their teeth” as soon as it was out of my mouth I looked at them. Stella was the only one that caught onto what I said, and then the inquisition began. “Why did you say that?” “Don’t you mean brush your teeth?” “Do you want us to use soap? ‘Cause that would be nasty.” I went on to tell her that my grandparents had false teeth and they would wash them instead of brushing them. Which lead to another inquisition.
I also called the refrigerator the icebox, what is this the 1930s? Teddy laughed at the slip, but of course Stella wasn’t going to let that go. More questions. I’ve also slipped and called the garbage rubbish and the iron the flat.
Naps-I have to take naps. My grandmother took a nap everyday and now I do too. The naps are not a luxury, they’re a necessity (CHF will do that to you). She took a nap around the same time everyday. I tell Stella to go get the big blue pillow and she and Alabama know it’s time. Stella gets on the other couch and Alabama gets on me. People joke and say I’m lucky, but truth is, it kind of sucks.
Stella enjoys our nap time, as does Alabama. We watch Criminal Minds and drift off until my phone goes off and it’s time to pick up the other two from school.
So I ask you, are you turning into your parents or your grandparents?