Category: laughs

Life in the Lipstick Jungle

Life is hard. What can make it better? Lipstick!

It does if you’re Maizie.

The first thing she does when she gets up is puts on a thick coat of lipstick. Before she even leaves her room, she’s gussied herself up for the breakfast table.

I must say, I have visions of her rolling over, grabbing a hand mirror and slathering the bright colors on before her feet even hit the floor, but I know this is not true (the mirror is in pieces).

I can’t pinpoint when the obsession with lipstick started, but if you ever get a peek in her purse it’s full of lipsticks, glosses and lipliners.

One might think, who cares? Well the caveat is…she’s only ten years old and in fourth grade.

She LOVES make-up! That’s what she wanted for Christmas and her brother and sister obliged.

She goes to school with her lipstick on. As a matter of fact, she doesn’t leave the house without her lipstick.

On occasion she will try to go to school with eyeshadow and blush, but that gets washed off before we leave the house. Her big question is…When can she wear mascara? I told her not until she can drive.

I see the looks other parents give us when she’s sporting her Kelly Osbourne look, but you know what, if it makes her happen and gives her some confidence, I’m fine with it.

She has a serious anxiety disorder and if lipstick helps her cope, so be it. No one at school has said anything to her, so as long as her trademark colored lips are accepted, she’ll keep wearing it.

Watch as her rule for playing in the snow is that Teddy COULD NOT mess up her lipstick!

Out of the Mouth of Stella

Kid’s say some dandy things. Stella seems to say them all the time. If I were to write them all it would look like a capital case transcript, so I’ll stick with some recent gems.

The mouth of the house

Teddy has been on a candy binge since Thursday night. It’s finally gone and I think he’s going through detox (it’s been 3 minutes since his last fix and he’s getting the shakes). He came in and asked for graham crackers. I told him to eat an apple. He asked why. Stella said, “You don’t want to be the sad fat kid.”
A Bob’s Furniture commercial came on for a marble topped bar.
Stella: Is that a bar?
Me: Yes.
Stella: I need that for my room.
Me: (exasperated) What?
Stella: I can put all my candy in it.
Stella and I were in line at Walmart today and she pointed to one of the “scandal mags” and said, “Oh my God, look at the size of her fanny! That is one plump rump.” (She was pointing at Kim Kardashian’s Instagram pic)
Fast forward 6 hours…
I was folding laundry and she picked up a pair of my underwear and put it on over clothes. She then proceeded to go on and on about my ginormous underwear and fanny.
I told her the bigger the fanny, the bigger the brain. She then said, “Well that girl on the magazine must be really, really smart.”
Walking to school, practicing smiles for picture day. Teddy showed his smile.
Stella: (to Teddy) You look like you’re pooping.
Teddy: (to Stella) You’re the one who showed me how to smile.
Stella: I didn’t show you that.
Teddy: I don’t have any teeth, I don’t want the holes to show.
Stella: The holes would look much better than that.
Breakfast conversation…
Teddy: What’s the T word?
Me: What word? (Trying to look at what he’s reading)
Stella: Tit
Me: (Trying not to fall apart) That’s not what it says. Where did you hear that word?
Stella: I made it up! Is it a bad word?
Me: It’s not a nice word and you shouldn’t say it, especially at school.
Stella: OK…tit, tit, tit!
Things like these fly out of Stella’s mouth all the time. For up to the minute Stella-isms follow The Kraus House Mom on Facebook.
For more laughs check out The Mommyhood Chronicles.