These are thoughts that pop into my head and when I used to spend time with adults I would tell them. Now that my day is spent with the kids much of my humor is lost on them. I occasionally post my thoughts on Facebook, but if I did that every time, I’d be “that girl” the one you talk to yourself about while you’re reading your news feed. Some of my thoughts get texted to “Mimi” many of those I won’t even post here because her reply is often, “You’re awful” or “You’re filthy”. This is what it is like to spend time with me; I’m a fountain of random thoughts.
The girls on the Bob’s commercial are a bit too old to be drawing on their furniture. If my kids still do that at that age, they can sleep in a tent in the yard.
Someone should invent x-ray tables that are heated.
If I start watching, I cannot turn off Swift Justice no matter how hard I try. If I can’t watch the end of the train wreck, I DVR it.
The fastest way to see a mother in the school yard swear is to watch her step into a puddle with her slippers on.
When it is raining, I can understand the need to rush into where you are going but that is when you are OUT of the car. Why can’t people take the extra 8 seconds to park their cars in the lines? I just counted 7 assholes.
There should be a windshield wiper setting between slow and seizure.
The cardiologist’s office has the highest population of people that can’t stand for long or even walk for that matter, yet you have to wait (stand) the longest to check in at the receptionist.
I wonder if the ultrasound techs flip coins or do rock, paper, scissors to see who have to do the tests on the dirty looking people.
I feel bad for the techs that have to do the tests on the dirty looking people.
Nick Jr. should really make their website more kid-friendly so I don’t have to keep getting up to fix the computer.
If there is a fly or a spider in the house, Stella will scream like she is under a zombie attack.
Hey little girl dress makers, the ones that use all those ruffles and bows, F*ck You! You come iron this shit!
It doesn’t matter how old you are, if you keep wearing sneakers (or Twinkle Toes) with no socks on, your feet are going to stink up the room.
Alabama, here’s a tip for you…Wait until I leave the kitchen before you jump onto the table to steal food, don’t do it when I’m standing right there.
We all need to stop what we are doing when “squirrel jail” comes on TV so Stella can watch it.
You know how every neighborhood has that crazy guy that everyone stays away from? Yea, well I live with him.
When you pour water on one of your kids that won’t wake up, make sure you don’t then sit in the water.
When I am getting breakfast, lunch or dinner it is not necessary for anyone with 2 or 4 legs to stand right next to or behind me. I know what I’m doing and am quite capable of getting you fed. Yes, I will probably forget your drink or straw, but you should be used to that by now. I always come back and give it to you, don’t I?
If there is an apocalyptic event, do we really want the “preppers” with their multi-step plans in charge?
I can only ask nicely twice, third time it gets ugly.
I shouldn’t watch Food Network when I’m hungry, it just makes me cranky.
Don’t bother trying to argue with Stella about wearing lipstick out in public, it’s “her fashion”. Just pick the lightest color and apply it for her.
I would like to go one day, just one day, without stepping on a kid or dog.
I don’t know what they put in Metamucil, but it’s the nastiest stuff ever. If you don’t drink it fast enough it turns into a gelatinous muck you have to force down. There is even a choking hazard warning on the package about it.