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Sand Hill Cove

No balls
No kites
No running
No biking
No skateboarding
No alcoholic beverages
Sit in your chair
Walk to the water
Get wet
Walk back to your chair
Okay that’s not what the announcement really said but it had that kind of feel to it. Listening to it made me laugh, all these rules. I split my beach time between state (public) and private beaches and let me tell you, the private beach is scoring a lot higher the past couple of years (by the way, you can drink on the private beach). Today was a state beach day and because I have kids it’s almost mandatory that I go to Sand Hill Cove (it’s now called Captain Roger Wheeler, but if you’re from here you know the truth). I made sure to get there early in order to get close to the water. Everything was going just dandy, until THEY showed up. You know who THEY are, the assholes that sit too close and generally piss you off all day.
Sure you can be as loud as you want as you park your Wonder Wheeler right next to me as you try to get Max and Sara to get their sunscreen on. Then by all means put that chair right there. I only need a few inches and feel free to get sand all over my blanket. I’m sure the people on the other side of you are just as pleased with your seating decision as I am. 
Oh, you don’t like the beach and you usually go to Spring Lake, they must have a completely different set of rules and etiquette there. It must be completely acceptable to allow and watch your kids dig a hole while standing on and throwing sand on my blanket. Oh, and don’t get up while your daughter keeps kicking the two other women on the other side of you, just sit there and enjoy your day. We don’t want to “interrupt your peace”
I don’t know if it’s because I’m a teacher or if it’s just Parenting 101, empty threats don’t work. I know you’re not going to do anything about the fighting over the shovels; you’re not going to take it because you’d have to get involved and I’ve only listened to you for 45 minutes. Get up and take the fucking shovels away, problem solved! Or better yet the kid that’s being the giant pain in the ass to everyone, have him sit somewhere else. Sad thing is these were not little kids, the youngest was probably seven, old enough to know better.
Every time I go to Sand Hill I try a different spot to sit in because my old area is too far for me to pull my overloaded Wonder Wheeler and it’s not like I can get the Kraus kids to help much. So far I have not been successful, assholes all over the place. Let me tell you, the no alcohol makes the assholes a lot less tolerable and the day go by a lot slower too.

Shopping With Teddy

I took Teddy shopping for school clothes today. Sounds easy or so one would think, if he was normal size. If you have seen Teddy you are aware he is not average hence the nickname Sasquatch. I have to have him try on every pair of pants to figure out which size to buy. Now back when Stella was a baby she had a big rump and we used to call her Stella Kardashian and as she grew, she lost her rump. Good news, it has been found, Teddy has been keeping it safe. Trying to get that ass into a pair of size 8 pants is quite a feat therefore we bought size 10 (for a five year old).
Not only is finding which size he is a pain in the ass, finding anything besides of jeans (hundreds of styles and colors) and uniform pants was a chore. Teddy likes cargo pants, if he was a size 6, he would have had a vast selection to choose from, but for some reason all the stores seemed to have were cargo shorts, oodles and oodles of cargo shorts as far as the eye could see. If we lived in Florida I could justify buying them; but here, it could be 40 degrees by September 15th, you never know. Why can’t the stores put out pants for back to school, they have no problem putting the Halloween stuff out, in August.
His shoe size is also huge and lots of times he looks like a he’s wearing clown shoes if he doesn’t have on sneakers. So a shoe hunt is also on our agenda. I decided to try Off Broadway Shoes. He tries on a pair and he looks like he’s going snorkeling, of course he’s also hearing those ridiculous peds which were black and just looked wrong to begin with. Finally he finds a pair of boots, excellent he now has sneakers and boots, and he’s done for shoes! We go to pay for the shoes and as I’m paying I smell this horrible smell. At this point I’m hoping it’s Teddy because if not then I’m embarrassed for the cashier because if it’s her, she may have to go home early. As we’re walking out of the store I turn to Teddy and ask him, “Did you boof in there?” He smiled and proudly said that he did. Then I thought, I hope she didn’t think it was me.
He doesn’t have the shopping stamina that Maizie has and he really started to get tired, I could really tell after he ripped ass in the shoe store that he was starting to lose it, but there was still much to do. After going to the other mall he was done, so I asked him if he wanted me to take him home before I went to the grocery store and since I told him he couldn’t get in the cart, he was all for it. So our day went pretty well, we were able to find ample amounts of shirts, that’s okay he doesn’t really like wearing pants anyway.