Some More Kraus Kid One (or more) Liners

Here are some Kraus Kid gems from September and October 2011
Teddy is not handling Maizie going to kindergarten well. Today she went in and didn’t give him or Stella a kiss and he had a breakdown in the school yard. So Maizie’s teacher had her come give him a kiss. He was crying in the car saying how much he missed May and Stella said, “I don’t miss May”.
Stella is up to something or she did something to the other 2 kids. She came down, shut the dining room door and has been holding it shut.
Stella wanted cereal but we’re getting ready to go get Maizie at school so she said, “OK give me 3 pieces of cereal and I’ll come with you.”
Stella wanted a roll of tape to use as a tire swing for her doll but it was in a hanging basket above the sink and Ted had already said no. So she pushed the chair over, climbed up and got it herself. I was trying to take it from her, but she had a death grip on it and I’m laughing at her effort. As this is going on Teddy is giving my pointers on how to get it back, “Twist it, Pull her hair”. I told her she could have a piece of the tape and as I was cutting it I dropped it. She snatched it up and ran out of the room before I could even bend down to get it… Guess who has a tire swing?
The kids just came home from spending the night at Nini’s. Maizie has her hair all pretty and she has some flowers, Stella-Blue has her hair done and she looks like she got older overnight and Teddy…well Teddy’s Teddy. He looks like he’s coming off a two day bender. He’s got pajama pants, no shirt, crooked hair and loafers with no socks.
Maizie just came downstairs with the phonics phone and told me that Santa hung up on her.
I want to make sure that everyone has Teddy’s terminology correct. According to him…babies (infant -2yrs) vomit, 2 year olds puke and 3+ throws up. I’m sure all of you were as confused as I was and used the words incorrectly, now you know.
The bake pop commercial was just on and Teddy said, “Cake balls are so tiring we should get the bake pop pan. Hey look it comes with sticks.” My cake balls are way tastier than bake pops could ever dream of being.
Ted is making cookies and the kids were having a hell of a time when they should have been in bed. I went up there and Maizie asked if I ate all the cookies and I said not yet so Stella yelled, “NO THEY’RE FOR BREAKFAST” so I told them every time I heard one of their voices or heard them jump I was going to eat a cookie…it has been pretty quiet.
Today while we were at Michael’s there was a display of large Halloween wine bottle gift tubes (I can’t think of what else to call them). We’re walking by and Teddy in his not quiet voice says, “WOW that a big booze container” and of course there had to be a group of women discussing something with an associate at the next display.
Teddy just walked in and said, “So where do you put this thing called glue gun?” I said, “Where you can’t get it.”
The kids were outside playing. When I went to get them 2 had their coats off (after being told to keep them on). The girls immediately said, “Teddy peed outside!” Me, “Did you?” Teddy, “The girls told me to” Me, “Well I told you to keep your coat on, I’m glad you listen to someone.”
I was getting a splinter out of Maizie’s finger and the whole time she kept whispering to herself, “Stay still Maizie, stay still. Stay still Maizie, stay still.”
Stella was being fresh so I told her I was going to drop her off at the bad girl school, she got upset. She was still acting up and yelling so then I told her that girls who act like that can’t wear dresses, they have to wear tattered rags…bring on the hysterics. She was more upset over a dress than the bad girl school.
I roasted mini peppers and tomatoes for lunch and when I took them out they had the “burnt on them”. I told Teddy they weren’t burnt, that when you roast things the brown stuff is the sugars from the food. He was eating and asked, “Where’s all this sugar you were talking about?”
Stella just stole more candy so I told her that her teeth were going to fall out. She replied with, “All of them? I want the tooth fairy to come.”

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